Deadpool(‘s movie) cannot die, unfortunately

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There’s only one way, if Deadpool kill’s the Deadpool movie himself by putting a sword through the camera and the director, and then yelling “CUT!”

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Okay, so word on the internet avenues is that the Deadpool movie simply needs the proverbial Hollywood greenlight [Isn’t this old news, from like 2 years ago?]. Lots of people who think they’re fans believe this is great news. Some ‘fans’ don’t really care one way or the other, whilst other real bona fide fans simply believe this idea, or this specific film, needs a bullet to the head. The truest of true down-to-the-marrow fans though, believe Deadpool is a film that should never be made, because it’s un-film-able. Why? – Well skip over the next couple of paragraphs to get to the real juice, otherwise keep reading, I just need a moment to rant a bit. [Let’s see where he goes with this]
deadpool-34Let me start by saying that FOX Studios have demonstrated their penchant for idiocy and douchebaggery by spitting in the faces of Xmen/Marvel fans with their movies, and then clearing their throat, tossing back their head and really gurgling down for some slushy phlegm to truly hurl in our faces with their 3rd instalment. But okay, they made several good decisions along the way, and then they rebooted their ‘problematic universe’ [That’s putting it Mildy] by giving us First Class, a largely amiable offering [by common-film-going-folk standards you mean]  that does have cool bad guys (Magneto and Mystiique once again making up the best part) [But wait, the film messes with the whole timeline – those weren’t even the original members of the Xmen: First Class in the comics, and how does metal chains break diamond, and why the heck is Nicolas Hoult wearing a blue Halloween costume from Walmart?], non-sensical elements aside, it’s still an improvement from the phlegm of old.
But wait, there’s more; then they decide in their wisdom to combine franchises and absorb the phlegm into this universe and maybe fix the problems and make the phlegm more swallowable. Oh yes, and because FOX didn’t want to lose the film rights as their franchise lay dying and attracting flies, they delivered some Wolverine puddles, along with a puke-inducing Deadpool abomination. It says something when even the current film franchise refuses to acknowledge those sins.
And so we come to Wade Wilson. Here’s why the film is doomed:

Deadpool sees the worst movie
  • Lets just say DP is a cool character, because he’s uncool, he’s unpopular, even amongst his fellow heroes, actually that’s a misnomer since DP isn’t a hero – he defies simple labels. And one could say he’s even a Cancer to the franchise because of his ‘fourth wall’ powers. Imagine him in a film with other heroes [You mean a proper film?], where they’re trying to take themselves seriously and convince us that the world is in peril, but here comes DP giving running commentary on how this is a great movie and that he loves Hugh Jackman [Wolverine] but has a mancrush on Michael Fassbender [you mean Magneto]. You see, this is tricky – something Hollywood doesn’t understand.
  • R-rated. It’s a term Hollywood is afraid of, in particular modern Hollywood. A proper DP film would be quite gross and bloody with detached body parts and Deadpool killing people with his own detached leg as a baseball bat. Or strangling someone with a vein, and then saying “EW, that was gross even for me”.
  • Deapool’s a nerd. Well, so far as pop culture goes, he’s all about movies and catch phrases. Can Hollywood strike that fine balance of gruesome, nerdy and funny?
deadpool is a nerd-53
  • Ryan Reynolds. He’s not cool, was he ever? I mean he’s a nice guy and all, ask Joel, he interviewed him not too long ago – great guy – he’s just been slack when it comes to movie choices. Plus he’s a pretty boy, with a distinctive Hollywood shine, or tan. Not all of this is his fault of course, but he does have the added stain of that origins film on his soul. Everyone who partook in the making of that film deserves a slap (especially the writers). And yes, sadly I realise this includes our very own Gavin Hood as well.
Deadpool commone sense_2
  • Tim Miller [Who?] is attached to direct. I don’t know him, apparently he was a visual artist on a Halo project that’s so far failed to get off the ground. He signed on when Robert Rodriguez couldn’t commit. The script of the film was penned 3 years ago by the same writers of Zombieland.
  • Deadpool, even though he’s insane (which is why he can break the 4th wall), he also has common sense – something Hollywood/Superheroes/FOX Studios/Hollywood writers just don’t have… “suspend disbelief” is their favourite catch phrase to cover themselves for when things don’t make sense -  “it’s only a movie” [Yeah, but its also our time you’re using up, and well earned moneys, and our nerd hearts]
  •  What story are they going to tell?

 

  • Robert Leifeld [Who?], Deadpool’s creator [Oh, uh, right…] is on board and says the script is very faithful to the comic, breaks the fourth wall, and demands an R-rating… he said that if the test footage were leaked on the internet, there’d be riots of nerdgasmic ecstasy because it was so perfect. I dunno about this, I mean, if it was so perfect why not leak it himself, and why’s he on board with Ryan Reynolds as Deadpool – this baffles me, even Deadpool isn’t in favour of Reynolds [Really, you spoke with Deadpool?]
Deadpool kidnap Ryan Reynolds_2
  • Cardboard. From all previous FOX Superhero films we know that there’s bound to be weaknesses and cardboard cut-out characters. Yes the script may be from a different writing team, but the studio has a penchant for throwing in cameos and may contaminate any good work done by outside parties. Deadpool does after all inevitably share the screen/comicbook panels with a collection of other characters – which they better get right.

Even Xmen: Days of Future Past had its fair share of cardboard characters,but thankfully they focused on their better elements. {A word on Apocalypse (2016) – its apparently going to be set in the 80′s, as appose to DoFP set in the 70′s – so those final scenes of DoFP where Wolverine wakes up and everything’s hunky dory was simply for, um, the audiences ‘benefit’ with Gambit and probably Nightcrawler returning to the cast. I think Deadpool should kidnap Channing Tatum…

An equation of Trust. Why has this film taken so long to be greenlit? Good test footage doesn’t equal a good movie, heck a brilliant trailer doesn’t equal a good movie. The question is, why stick with an actor who still elicits negative reactions from fans – why not just dispel those bad memories already and cast Joel McHale [Oh, you mean Jeff Winger from Community?] – we know he’s already a lunatic. The truth is Fox doesn’t like R-rated films. Plus, you’re already cauterising your audience with that rating, an audience with bad memories, with Fox’s reputation of phlegm hurting ticket sales and still being wiped from our eyes, even with a good film it’s still a risky box office bet. In essence this film must be awesome, or it will NOT be accepted.

So to conclude [ehh, I think we got it]

DEADPOOL-PS3-box
  • Yogomi

    This is a discussion I’d definitely like to have you you, Steven. Definitely agree that the Deadpool movie has to be rated-R. Sucks that it’s in Fox’s hands.

    • http://stevenbenjamin.weebly.com/ Steven Benjamin

      Thanks Dude, another voice would be welcome in the discussion, usually I’m just talking with me, myself and I… Don’t get me wrong its a great crowd but just between us, they sometimes feel like a bunch of yes-men.
      To be quite honest with you though, Hollywood in general is partial to the PG13 rating, so any film rated higher will take longer to gain approval from studios… its just the way of the tinsel town world right now, all about the money…

  • JB

    Joel McHale = brilliant casting choice