Godzilla & The Xmen Go Toe to Toe!

With Godzilla opening this Friday, and Xmen: Days of Future Past on the 23rd – chances are you’ll be spoilt for choice at the box office in the coming weeks. Both films are shaping up nicely in the public eye and are set to compete in a furious battle for pole position.

This epic battle has inspired me to question: “If the two franchises were to collide on screen, who would the ultimate victor or victors be?” The mighty lizard sure has had his fair share of scraps, so don’t be so quick to jump on the side of the super-powered Marvel mutants. x-men-first-class-original-teamNow I don’t want to dick around here too much so I’m just gonna go with classic Zille and classic Xmen. We’re talking Iceman (who was the youngest), Angel, Beast, Cyclops, Jean Grey (who went by Marvel Girl), and Professor X here. Any of you smart people wanna throw Wolverine and those other guys in, fine – write your own damn column. Wolvie wouldn’t do much damage though, because even if he could pierce Godzilla, whether it’s going to do any real damage is the better question.

OK so let’s say Zille attacks and the Xmen step in to save the day. Iceman can freeze the flesh and blood of the monster king in certain areas, Beast is pretty much useless, aside from tech support. Jean and Xavier can manipulate big G telepathically and Cyclops may also supply a few distractions. Then there’s the wildcard… Angel! He probably dies in like the first few seconds. In fact I think they’re all pretty much screwed seeing as in the past Godzilla has proved to be immune to most telepaths. Their best chance would be to lead Godzilla into the arctic cold. Cyclops would probably blast the ice while Iceman finishes the job by freezing the surrounding area where Godzilla gets buried. He wont be dead, but would be sleeping for a very long time. Of course there are many different outcomes depending on the version of these characters you choose.

GodzillaComics_23In his native Japan, Godzilla has been featured in various comic books since his inception in 1954. The Zille has even starred in a 24-issue run of Marvel comics written by Doug Moench from 1977 through 1979, where he was drawn by Herb Trimpe, entitled “Godzilla, King of the Monsters”. Over the course of the series, he crosses the continental United States and eventually ends up in New York City, but we’re getting waaay off point now. Angel. What the F is this guys problem? Facing Godzilla would be laughable. This guy wouldn’t even fight Cyclops for the heart of Jean Grey. What chance does he have against The Zille?

All right. That’s enough Angel bashing for now. Let’s explore the origins of these pop culture behemoths: Godzilla first made his appearance in a 1954 Japanese science fiction kaiju film produced by Toho and directed by Ishirō Honda. The Xmen on the other hand started their adventures in comics and were created by writer Stan Lee and artist Jack Kirby. Their first appearance was in The X-Men #1. (September 1963)

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Therefore it’s fair to say that in their fight for top spot at the box office, both entities have strong brand recognition, even though they’ve had their fair share of mishaps in the lead-up to their 2014 showdown. “Xmen: First Class” was a breath of fresh air after the shocking third installment “Last Stand,” in which Brett Ratner nearly tanked the entire franchise in one foul swoop. Not to mention the fact that the screenwriters decided to kill off Professor X.

Godzilla had a very Americanized reincarnation in 1998. In the film Ferris Bueller, aka. Doctor Nick Toplesstits (Tatopoulos) goes from studying earthworms to uncovering, via means of a pregnancy test, that the King of Monsters is actually a Queen. Turns out all Godzilla wanted was to bring Jurassic Park to Manhattan, but nooo… How do they repay her? By shooting the crap out of her and bombing her babies. Needless to say, that movie was a load of bollocks and in the coming weeks we’ll see if the general population have managed to forget just how bad it was and give this new version a shot.