Welcome all to this conspicuous occasion, that of the inaugural In The Kan Awards [*
A moment for the Round of Applause to subside*]. This is what you’ve all been waiting for, even though you didn’t know you were waiting. This is without doubt the highlight of the Awards season and with the benefit of hindsight, and higher intelligence, we’ve been able to select and honour or shame whomever so deserves. 2013 was NOT a great year for films, and yet there was still a great deal of talent on display, if you only looked through all the rubbish. And so, with latex be-gloved hands, steely eyes and unshakable resolve (that could only be forged here within the very depths of the Kan itself), we’ve been able to select the true winners and losers of the past year, whilst simultaneously and intentionally rectifying some of the truly shocking mishaps/oversights (brought upon by corrupt favoritism, politicking and lobbying by greedy corporate studios influencing the Academy) of the Awards season – we’re looking at you Oscar…
pause for effect*), but alas, enough suspense, enough seduction… we can feel your bare excitement, time has beckoned, here we go: ON, TO THE AWARDS!
“We have never seen anything like it before…” – Caesar Flickerman
- Poster of the year
*The Wolverine. (Runner-up: The Secret Life of Walter Mitty)
The movie may not have amounted to more than Hugh Jackman on a Japanese vacation, but the first poster for the “hotly anticipated” x-man adventure took poster design to another level: Stylish, tasteful, and creative, this Japanese sumi-e style artwork was so hot, they had to roll out the rice paper for the entire cast. The poster was so well conceived, it would be right at home in a museum because rather than the photo collages that seem to dominate the poster industry, this one had a touch of class.
- ‘Overhyped film that was actually good’ award
To be honest, I don’t think anyone had a doubt that this film would be fantastic given Cuaron’s intimidating resume, but for the amount of hype that was generated for Gravity; there have just been too many instances where a less-than-mind blowing film managed to steal the marketing spotlight *cough*Man of Steel*cough*. Endless promos, clips, trailers, and viral content spread across the social networking stratosphere; However, not only was Gravity good, it was one of the best of films of 2013 – a fact reflected in our 5 star rating.
- The ITK NO… (Just NO moment) Award [this is 'flung' at the recipient]
*Superman is a murderer. (Other Nominees: Adam Sandler – consistently a Rassie Award winner for last few years; Tyler Perry – the wagon he fell off of is way up yond-AH)
We haven’t been shy to lambaste Zack Snyder’s Superman reboot with all kinds of metaphorical rotten fruit and veg, but the ending of the film is what hit home the hardest. The fact that Superman brutally murdered his adversary with his bare hands isn’t just the work of poor writing, it’s conceived in the mind of a psychopath and goes against everything our boy in blue believes in – dark, gritty reboot or not, it just shows that those responsible for this film just didn’t understand their source material.
Just to clarify: this ‘award’ is flung at Zack Snyder and David S. Goyer.
- The ITK KickAss Award
This goes out to a film/actor who displayed an extraordinary cool penchant for kickass-ary usually in the form of mindless epic fun.
*Idris Elba – officially he gets this for Stacker Pentecost in Pacific Rim, but really he could just get the award for being himself – as a lifetime award (backed up by the uber cool Heimdall in Thor 2 – he took down a Dark-Elf spaceship single-handedly), without him, the apocalypse would not have been cancelled – so, to you we offer this humble offering of our gratitude (and a really uber cool semi fictional ITK cyber trophy). Chest pump for BIG-Dris!
“… he is that last man standing. You know, he’s just that guy that has no choice at this time. He has no time for sentiment. He has no choice… You know? That’s all.” –Idris on Stacker
- Most under-appreciated movie of 2013
Shining our spotlight on a film that got little to no love when it clearly deserved so much. It was a tight race but due to higher critical acclaim, a standout performance and subsequent (other) Awards snubs, this honour goes to:
*Rush (Runner up: The East) -
This elevated sports films yet again by telling the true story of the 1976 F1 rivalry between Nikki Lauda and James Hunt. Suffering from some lackluster marketing and an unenthusiastic US reception resulted in a total shut out from the Academy. This snub however, was predicted.
(A note on The East – perhaps this film, on gritty corporate espionage and sabotage, should’ve cast Julia Roberts in the title role to garner more Erin Brockovich-type recognition/attention).
- (Plainly) The Worst film of the year
A tie between: Scary Movie V and The Grown Ups 2
— the less said about these abominations, the better…
- Most Disappointing Film of the Year
*The Counselor (Other nominees: Khumba, The Wolverine, Elysium)
- Boasting such immense talent behind the camera and in the all star cast, as well as a debut script by Pulitzer Prize winning author Cormac McCarthy (Who’s had his novels adapted to screen with such great acclaim in the form of ‘No Country for Old Men’, ‘The Road’ and ‘All the Pretty Horses’), it was the dream package… so what could go wrong? There are some who believe this could vie for the ‘Worst film of the year’ award, but that’s crude (perhaps). The question on many people’s lips is ‘What the heck happened here?’ because it is somewhat difficult to explain to someone without telling them everything, because its also not a film you’d readily recommend, even if its just to get someone’s opinion – its that hard to watch – haunting in a way that’s too real and just uncomfortable to even want to relate. It’s a statement of violence, particularly on the Juarez drug cartel style of murders that rack up countless innocent victims, often with no rhyme or reason. Despite having seen elements of this sort of violence before, its as if no one was ready to have it thrown at our faces so unexpectedly in such a grotesque manner, and yet its more than that, its the pointlessness of it (in a greater general sense even), its the hopelessness and helplessness of it… this is a film that is simply bleak and evil, its Cormac McCarthy bearing it all and leaving you feeling horrified and hollow, if you manage to get through to the end credits…
- Favourite Movie of the Year
*The Way Way Back, (Other Nominees: Gravity, Rush… Pacific Rim maybe)
Oh how we love the coming of age story, but the Way Way Back has so many more little charming elements that make this film simply a gem.It does without any CGI or technological achievements a la Gravity, or the historical triumphant sporting heroics of Rush; no, its just an uncomplicated and satisfying almost everyday tale of youth, awkwardness, humour and growth, acted out superbly well and that appeals to anyone.
- The ‘Angel Music award‘ for recognizing a moment/film/scene of pure genius —
*Gravity, [Other noms - Scene: 'Doc's song (The East), Before Midnight, Don Jon, Scene: Klu Klux Klan 'meeting' (Django Unchained)]
- An Underrated actor/performance award —
*Sam Rockwell (Ed Harris, Ethan Hawke, Tye Sheridan, Daniel Bruhl)…
On the back of his under-appreciated performance in “Moon” some years ago, Rockwell was touted to be the next big thing, A-list convert, but somehow he never quite arrived and became a bona fide household name, well we think its high time he got another invitation… he’s practically part of the furniture here at ITK.
- Best film of 2013 you maybe/probably haven’t seen —
*The East (Man of Steel, Seven Psychopaths)
- *Best Superhero Movie —
(Ironman 3 – yes that was this year/Man of Steel)* >>> This one is still being debated; its a close call, but Ironman takes it, I mean Man of Steel.
- Unexpectedly Good Film -
*Prisoners, (Other nominees: Captain Phillips, Behind the Candelabra, Don Jon)
Prisoners takes it partially because there was little to no hype, and then it also ran on a retreaded plotline. The trailers for all other films mentioned here suggested something to draw your attention, but nothing really convinced in the Prisoners promos to suggest anything new or unexpected, especially with two divisive leading men; the yet-to-convince Jake Gyllenhaal and Hugh Jackman fresh off his (debatebly successful) superhero binge, thrust into a dark thriller which looks sort of familiar and predictable. – Don Jon comes in a close second…
- The Best trailer of the year
*The Secret Life of Walter Mitty (Runners up – The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug, Man of Steel).
The Hobbit may have loads of coolness, leaping, sword-swishing and CGI, Man of Steel sure got a lot of tongues wagging when it appeared (even the skeptics), it certainly looked to be something to get excited about, but we decided on the surprising, refreshing and invigorating Walter Mitty. (What do you think?)
- The honorary Peter O’Toole ‘We thank you for living’ Award
Male: Christoph Waltz (who just so happened to star in Django Unchained)
Female: Dame Helen Mirren (who also happened to star in a movie in 2013 – Red 2)
- Best movie quote of 2013
“There is nothing more reassuring than knowing that the world is crazier than you are.” — Dr. Eric Selvig (Thor: The Dark World)
“Ta DAAA” – Loki (same film)