The rite of passage for Hollywood’s sleaziest has always been sins of the flesh – a sex tape or nekid pictures can transform even the dullest of D-list celebs into the water-cooler talking point of the internet. I have no problem with this at all as it usually is a win/win situation for both parties…but not all sex tapes are created equally, and this is one that’s an instant turn-off.
Jay and Annie (Jason Segel, Cameron Diaz) – a married couple – find that they never have the time or the energy for sex due to their children and demanding work schedules. In an attempt to reignite their once powerful flame, they decide to make a sex tape, but before long the video is transferred to a cloud server and ends up in the hands of everyone who received one of Jay’s old iPads. Now the couple must track down the iPads before anyone sees the dirty deed.
For those that like their comedy dumb and tasteless – it’s the film equivalent of a stale rice cake.
The Bottom Line
Sex Tape starts off on a really promising note – Cameron Diaz narrates a monologue on her relationship and how sex seems to have become impossible. This movie could have easily been a witty comedic drama in the vein of Woody Allen, but the intro is simply a lie to tell the audience that this schlocky tasteless excuse for a comedy has some thought to it. It doesn’t.
The story is not only banal but it’s downright moronic, as are the characters. Jason Segel’s character is a thoughtless buffoon who in spite of being a tech savvy radio producer, seems to think that “the cloud” is an actual cloud – it wouldn’t surprise me if he was also under the impression that tiny gnomes live inside his plethora of Apple sponsored goodies and painstakingly paint every pixel on the screen while he’s looking at cat pictures or porn.
Cameron Diaz’s character is somewhat less idiotic, but regardless of the IQ points of our leads, the biggest problem is that there isn’t a single iota of chemistry between them. They never really bounce comedic one-liners off one another and it’s frankly embarrassing to see Jason Segel try so hard and get nothing in return.
There are a few entertaining moments, but none of them are courtesy of the leads. Annie’s boss played by Rob Lowe adds an unexpectedly good performance, as does Jack Black who makes a brief appearance at the end of the film. But this isn’t redeeming for the film as the bulk of every single moment in Sex Tape only serves to induce migraines of stupidity.
Sex Tape is sensationalism for the idiots of the internet; it isn’t the worst movie of the year but it gets close. So between Jason Segel’s sickly anorexic hue and Cameron Diaz’s endless plastic surgery, you’ve got a flaccid plotline populated by an impotent cast. You’d be turned on faster by Oprah Winfrey dancing the Macarena while she wears a French bikini in the Arctic tundra.